A Quron is Born

You’ve heard of soy chicken, you’ve heard of konnyaku octopus, and now you’ve heard of QUORN!

Whether you’re a vegetarian because you can’t bare the thought of blood spraying out of the neck of the poor little wee lamb that was just bouncing across the paddock this morning, or because you can’t cope with the fact that one cow will produce environmental waste of 20 – 40 human beings per day, or because you need to cut down meat so that you don’t get heart disease of bowel cancer, or that you are just a die hard fan of Linda and Paul McCartney, you are still likely to be in the fake meat market because you are still psychologically driven to want to look at, smell, and taste the flesh of another dead animal. So in our strange world of the clashes of the determined will and uncontrollable lust, we are constantly looking for substitutes for a nice slab of meat. Or you’re just a meat eater and wants to know what all the fuss in about cos its just damn bloody fun isn’t it?

QUORN is a weird little product that is made out of mycoprotein made out of fungus (not mushroom but just a form of pure gunky greyish brown stuff that will grow anywhere wet and dark – yup). Once hugely suspected and mistrusted in the vego community across the world – largely due to rumours that it is a) genetically modified and b) the product uses battery hen eggs. Apparently since then QUORN has cleaned up its act and did some proper PR and marketing to defuse those concerns, and now it seems like every yuppy vego or vego-curious is experimenting with QUORN.

Here is one recipe from the divine Ms Curlz and one from myself.

QUORN LAB (Ms Curlz)

250g QUORN
150g Firm Tofo – cut in 1 x 4 cm cube strips. (pre-soaked in some soy sauce while the onion and garlic are cooking)
1 onion – diced
3 cloves garlic
500g baby spinach
1 vine cherry tomatoes (approx 16)
Soy sauce
Fish Sauce
Sesame Oil

1) Saute onions and garlic in shallow pan in sesame oil till clear and translucent.
2) Remove the onions and garlic from the pan and let them sweat in a bowl covered with gladwrap
3) add the tofu to the pan and fry till light brown
4) Remove the tofu from the pan and add QUORN, then adding a swill (prob between 1-2 tbsp) of both fish sauce and soy sauce and cook for a few minutes
5) Separately sear tomatoes on the vine in olive oil till skin is lightly broken
6) Toss into salad bowl with baby spinach and let the leaves wilt with existing heat of the mixtures.

MaQUORN ToFU (WaWa)

250g QUORN
150g Silken Tofo – chopped in large squares
2 cloves garlic diced
2 – 3 sprigs spring onions chopped
100g green beans chopped
2 – 3 Tbsp Garlic Chilli Paste (best from Lee Kum Kee)
2 Tbsp soy sauce
1 - 2 tsp pepper
2 – 3 Tbsp corn flour mixed well in 1 ½ cup cold water

1) Sauté garlic in oil in pan till lightly cooked. Add in beans, then QUORN, then soy, pepper and chilli paste. Mix and stir fry for 2 – 3 minutes till well mixed in.
2) Add in spring onions
3) Turn heat to low. Slowly add the corn flour water in gradually and well spread across the pan. This will start to goo slowly and make sure you stir well but slowly to encourage the gravy. Add more water or corn flour to get consistency you desire
4) Add in tofu at the end, careful not to break it up too much.
5) Serve on piping hot rice.

Pumpkin Tofu Curry

This is a fushion South East Asian-Indian dish that's perfectly vegan as it has plenty of vegetable proteins, and minimum allergy causing ingredients. Ensure you use canned/fresh coconut milk rather than block solids as it is too fatty for this combo.

You Will Need

300g sweet pumpkin - skin removed and diced into 2.5 by 2.5cm cubes
250g firm tofu - cut into 2.5 cm2 cubes
1 onion - half moon sliced
400mL can coconut milk
1 cup frozen beans
Assorted curry powder
brown sugar (if desired)
Softly cooked brown rice to serve
Corriander to garnish

Soy sauce to flavour
Fish sauce to flavour if catering for pesca-vegans

Method

1. Saute onions in oil on medium-high heat in a pot, add in a dash of salt and assorted curry powder, cook till onions turn just clear
   
2. Add pumpkin to the pan and turn heat slightly higher, cook for about 5 minutes, then add coconut milk and tofu. Cover and cook for further 8 - 10 minutes or till the pumpkins are just tendering. Taste the dish now and adjust flavouring to suit by adding more salt, curry powder or a dash of brown sugar
   
3. Add in frozen beans, cover for another 2 - 4 minutes till its all hot.
   
4. Serve on rice, garnish with corriander and sauce.
   

Spice it up with Lentil Soup

I thought spring in London would be just manageable -- nah uh. Its bitterly cold, grey and windy. The best sancturies for the weary hearted are the cosy narrow shopfronts of cafes so abundant on the streets. It warms you up instantly and recharges you to face the bleak air outside. If I had a cafe in London I would cook this:

You will need

Core ingredients
1 carrot (diced)
1 onion (diced)
2 sticks celery (diced)
2 cloves garlic (crushed)
1 Tsb salt
1 can tomatoes
1 cup red lentils
3 cups home made stock

Seasoning (pinch of each)
Chilli flakes (my favourite are these ones I got in Rome - see pic)
Curry powder (or any combo of tumeric, cumin, garam masala etc)
Paparika
Pepper
Coriander and/or italian parsley to garnish

1) Saute onions, celery & carrots in cooking oil on med/high heat in large soup pot, add salt & spices.

2) When just cooked, add lentils and coat well with oil. After 1 minute or so add canned tomatoes, crushing if they are not the chopped variety. Leave to simmer for another 3 or 4 minutes.
3) Add stock. Mix well, turn up heat and boil for 8 - 10 minutes. Turn heat to lowest and simmer for 20 - 30 minutes, carefully stirring occasionally to avoid burning.
4) Garnish and serve with crusty toast, best ones are with cheese, melted or unmelted.

GG Martini

Shake and serve:
Juice of 2 grapefruits (just under 1 cup)
2 shots of gin
1 shot of vodka
Ice
Serves 2

Tis the sunny season and mum and dad's tree is o'fruit'n. Feel the enamel of your teeth melt as you squeeze the brain out of these puppies.

Eye Ball Popping Piri Piri Sauce

HOT HOT HOT!

Steam is coming out of my ears - this is honestly the most satisfying brain hemorrhage inducing stuff I've tasted since Rama's extra hot tikka masala. Phhoooooooooooooooffff!!

You will need:
3 large red chilis n- roughly chopped
2 cloves garlic - peeled
Juice of 1 lemon
half hand full italian parsley
1 Tsp olive oil
1 tsp sea salt
1 packet (150g) tomato paste

Pulse all together in the blender. Preserve in jar in fridge for up to 2 weeks.

I had these with chicken breasts - marinate for 1/2 hours before grilling in medium-high heat. Serve with a cucumber type salad to edge off the heat.

Noodle Art

This is a fun little project for when you've got some left over noodles and plenty of time.

Ingredience:
1 fairly long unbroken cooked noodle, cold if possible or you may burn youself.
Method:
Flop and curve noodle over non-stick or pre-greased objects such as spoons, chopsticks, plastic bottle tops or the kitchen wall. It needs to be stable and unable to move. Leave to dry over night and remove. Display however and where ever you like. In this case I have made a Loch Ness Monster and placed it next to a plastic crab for effect.

NB1: For advanced players, experiment with different types of noodles and combinations thereof (eg. pasta, egg noodles, rice noodles, soba noodle... possibilities are boundless really.)
NB2: This may still be edible if you consume this within 3 days in coldish climate.

Grilled Tiger Campsicums & Endives salad

(these things are quite tiny, no more than about 10cms long each, and the flesh is thin but substantial & flavoursome)

The Japanese organic farmers that are always on time at the Northside farmers markets here in Canberra are possibly my most trusted food source when it comes to salad suppliers. Their varieties are mostly newly developed japanese ones, so I could hardly find anything on the internet on how to prepare them. The organic nature of the veges really make me feel assured tucking into these things.

Salad leaves are usually over prayed by chemicals particularly if they have to travel and store for days before getting onto the table. A friend of mine that slogged her days as a supermarket assistant in the vege section said her hands used to sting after packing lettuces because of the harsh pesticides. Imagine that in your stomach, particularly if they are to be eaten raw etc.

Ingredience
Tiger Capsicums x 6 per serve
3 - 4 cloves garlic, dash of olive oil, sprinkle of rock/sea salt for roasting dish
Endive leaves x 250g per serve
Shredded nori

Method
1)Place tiger capscicums evenly on thinly olive oiled roasting dish, lightly crush garlic without removing skin, sprinkle with salt
2) Grill in medium heat till skin of caps are lightly brown
3) Serve chilled or warm on bed of fresh endives garnished with light shreds of nori drizzled with olive oil from tray, dash of pepper.

..................

The earthy smokey flavour of the tiger capsicums and its intense flesh made this dish taste extremely sexual. It made me fantacise about being in an alley way in New York with a Jamaican who has just smoked a dozen cuban cigars & doused in rum. (???).

Kimchi Tapanade

Ingredience
150g cabbage kimchi, roughly chopped
120g firm tofu, roughly chopped
10 stuffed green olives, roughly chopped
1 tsp black sesames, toasted
1 clove garlic
1 tsp sesame oil
1/2 tsp Lee Kum Kee garlic chilli sauce
1 tsp lemon juice
1/4 sprig spring onions - shredded for garnish

Method
Blend all coarsely, garnish, and serve with rice crackers

I remember the year when I was 11, and Mum went overseas for a month and Dad had to cook for us. On the first night he made this big pot of soup where he chucked in everything he could find in the fridge & boiled it up. It was so huge that we couldn't finish it. The next night he found more stuff to chuck into the left over soup and added more water. And so on and so on. It was still the same pot of soup when mum got back. This is like that, except much better.

Hisblah

I was once asked in an exam what a 'hisblah' was. It was for a job interview but all I got was a 2 hour written exam that I didn't know I was sitting. It wasn't my fault when I answered 'a round lamb loaf which you eat with a tomato salad.' It was what was on my mind at the time. Don't ask about the job.

Ingredience:

For the loaf
Flour - 1 1/2 cups then another 1/2 cup
sugar - 2 tsp
dried yeast - 1 tsp
warm water - 1/3 cup

For the filling
Lamb - fatty meaty parts boneless x200g chopped into bite size
Onion x1, diced
Mustard seeds - pinch
Garam masala - pinch
Tumeric powder - pinch
Cumin powder - pinch
Coriander seeds ground - pinch
Fennel seeds - whole, 1/2 tsp
Tomato puree - 90g can

For the salad
Cherry tomatoes - 1 punnet, halved
Watercress - one bunch, rough stalks removed
Garlic - 1 clove crushed
Olive oil
lemon juice
salt & pepper

Method

1. Mix yeast, sugar and warm water together, let stand in warm spot for around 10 minutes or so to ferment. Mix yeast stuff in with flour thoroughly. Cover with glad wrap and stand in warm spot for further 30 minutes. Prepare lamb in meantime.
   
2. Preheat oven to 180c.
   
3. Saute onions in oil in med-high heat, adding mustard seeds half way. Just as mustard seeds pop, add all other spices & mix thoroughly. Add lamb and a pinch of salt & pepper and sear well. Add tomato puree, leaving about 1/4 in the tin, cook briefly and reduce once it begins to bubble. Take off heat to cool.
   
4. (from 1.) Sepearte dough into two. Knead each heavily, adding more flour if necesary to form supple dough. Let each sit for anothe 5 - 10 minutes to grow.
   
5. Flatten out each dough into a flat round shape at 2.5 cm thick with rolling pin.
   
6. Flour the oven tray, place thicker of the two rounds on first. Using a flat spoon, butter on the left over tomato puree on the inside circle of the base - leaving a good 2cm on the edge. Repeat with the other loaf.
   
7. Place lamb mixture onto the base evenly. Cover with the other loaf and secure the edges, leaving two holes on opposite sides as breathing wholes.
   
8. You may make silly patterns on the top of the hisblah with left over dough if you wish.
9. Bake for 30 minutes or till skin is golden brown. Remembering that this will expand so make sure there is enough room up and around for it to do so.
   
10. Salad - soak crushed garlic with lemon juice and a dash of rock salt & peper for 15 minutes to take the edge off. Mix thoroughly with olive oil before dressing onto tomatoes and watercress.
    

Chocolate Martini

Slip into a little black dress, tune into a bit of bassa nova, swing your hips lightly and sip it with your pinkies up. Let out that little orgasmic "ahh-"...

Ingredience:
2 parts vodka
1 part kahlua
1 part Baileys creme
1 part chocolate or coffee syrup (any flavour)
5-6 ice cubes
1 - 2 scoops rich vanilla or chocolate icecream
1 cup milk or soy milk
1 packet chocolate pokka sticks
2 -3 cubes of eating chocolate (marble or dark/white blend to be fancy), grated finely

Method:
1) Blend everything except pokka sticks and eating chocolate together till ice is well pulsed.
2) Sprinkle half of grated cholate on a plate & spread. Wet rim of martini glasses, dip and coat the rims with choc dust
3) Pour in martini and garnish top with rest of chocolate & pop in the pokka stick as stirrer.

Variations: Add extra hot chocolate or milo powder for extra choc strength, or add a shot of exxpresso coffee for a moccamartini.