Great Christmas Lunch Idea

http://www.thesalmons.org/lynn/dishwasher.html

Certainly adds a new meaning to multipurpose.

The Most Kick-arse-est Mushroom Risotto in the World

This is dedicated to Herr Peter Wenzel - friend, flatmate, artist, mushroom scientist and six foot two worth of inspiration.

You will need:
Home made chicken stock* x 2 cups per serve
Aborio rice x 1/2 cup per serve
Porcini mushrooms (dried) 25g per serve
Button mushrooms x 2/3 cup per serve - sliced
Oyster mushrooms x a handful - roughly chopped
Black or yellow fungus x a handful - roughly chopped
Another selection or two of field/flat/straw/wild/shitake variety of mushrooms fresh if poss - sliced if its a big mushroom, roughly chopped if its a little mushroom.
Cheap bottle of white (but be reasonable)
onion - 1/2 per serve, diced
garlic - 3 clobes, crushed
Olive oil - 2 Tbsp
butter - 1 Tbsp
Italian (continental parsley) - shopped- 1/4 cup per serve
Parmesan or pecorino cheese - shredded - 1/4 per serve plus garnish

Method

1. Soak porcinis in 1 cup of boiling water. Set aside to cool.
2. Heat up stock in a seperate sauce pan adjacent to the main cooking stove, keep on medium heat.
3. In a sturdy hard based pan, saute oil, garlic and oninos with a dash of salt in med-high heat till just clear
4. Remove porcinis from water, squeeze all moist back into the liquid, save the liquid while adding porcinis into onions. Turn heat to medium-low. Add all the other mushrooms and saute lightly before turning heat to low.
   
5. Add aborio rice, stirring quickly to coat it all in oil. Only allow this to be in the pan for less than one minute before adding a ladel of stock. Quickly stirr stock evenly into the rice.
   
6. When the first ladel of stock is almost evaporated - but not quite - otherwise it will burn and that is NO GOOD - add a splash of white wine. Stirr this again till just it almost evaporates. Then add another ladel of stock.
7. Repeat this alternatively with stock and wine, stirring constantly to allow even absorption and protect from burning or the rice sticking at the bottom. Ensure the heat remains low.
   
8. By now the contents should be expanding quite well - switch off the heat just as rice is beginning to 'melt into each other'. Remove from heat and stand (you may choose to give it a cover) for 5-7 minuites.
   
9. Stirr in evenly firstly the butter, then the parmesan, then the parsley.
   
10. Serve immediately and garnish liberally with more parsley and parmesan.

*Home made stock: Boil two chicken bones (very cheap from the supermarkets) in water with a couple of tablespoons of salt and two onions roughly chopped. Simmer in low heat for around two hour before disgarding solid content.

Homemade pasta

Love and admiration from your friends are completely worth the time and labour over this frivolously tiresome recipe. Durum flour is the secret to the fine silky smoothness of the pasta and organic eggs ensures a full nutty whole flavour.

Ingredience
Organic eggs (1 medium size per serve)
Durum flour (approx 1.5 cups per serve)
Fresh or frozen spinach (80g per serve) - only if you are doing green pasta

Method
1) Clean out bench top with fresh paper towels and without use of any chemical detergents - lemon juice or vinegar are always good natural anticeptics. Clean your hands too - remove shit like jewellery, crusty nails and flaky skin from yourself.
2) Measure out around 2 cups of flour on the bench top or a bowl, build a mountain top then make a puddle whole. Break egg(s) into puddle whole.
3) Knead eggs into flour with fingers and palms, using your own judgement (don't drink too much before you do this) till you feel that the dough has just started to form into ONE big lump, but moist and soft enough to not gather firmly.
4) keep kneading without adding too much extra flour.
5) divide dough into manageable balls for going through the pasta machine, probably two balls per serve.
6) This is the labour intensive bit. Pass the dough throug the flat bit of the machine as many times as necessary till it is in a flat, smooth, bubbleless and lumpless flat sheet. It could take you as many as 25 or 30 goes per sheet. Part of life mate.
7) Chop into the width you desire either with knife or the thin settings on the machine
8) Sprinkle with extra flour to keep it from sticking together, cover with glad wrap to refrain from drying
9) Boil water with dash of salt and oil. Add pasta just at boiling point, cook till al dente and serve immediately

If you are doing the spinach bit:
Lightly blanch the spinach in boiling water ensuring not to over cook it. Drain and squeeze as much water out of it as possible (use a paper towel after the sift) , chop finely and add to dough just before its ready to go into the machine. The pressing/flatting process will further refine the leaves and make the pasta green.

NB1: This does not keep well raw so it needs to be cooked on the same day

NB2: As this is fresh, expensive and labour intensive pasta, I suggest that this is served with a fairly simple/non-heavy sauce so that the pasta speaks for itself. Suggestions a) classic olive oil with parmesan & dash of garlic b) Wild mushroms seared in butter and dash of parsley c) baby tomatoes lightly grilled plus fresh basil & boccochini. d) Wine match will complete this.

Hisblah

I was once asked in an exam what a 'hisblah' was. It was for a job interview but all I got was a 2 hour written exam that I didn't know I was sitting. It wasn't my fault when I answered 'a round lamb loaf which you eat with a tomato salad.' It was what was on my mind at the time. Don't ask about the job.

Ingredience:

For the loaf
Flour - 1 1/2 cups then another 1/2 cup
sugar - 2 tsp
dried yeast - 1 tsp
warm water - 1/3 cup

For the filling
Lamb - fatty meaty parts boneless x200g chopped into bite size
Onion x1, diced
Mustard seeds - pinch
Garam masala - pinch
Tumeric powder - pinch
Cumin powder - pinch
Coriander seeds ground - pinch
Fennel seeds - whole, 1/2 tsp
Tomato puree - 90g can

For the salad
Cherry tomatoes - 1 punnet, halved
Watercress - one bunch, rough stalks removed
Garlic - 1 clove crushed
Olive oil
lemon juice
salt & pepper

Method

1. Mix yeast, sugar and warm water together, let stand in warm spot for around 10 minutes or so to ferment. Mix yeast stuff in with flour thoroughly. Cover with glad wrap and stand in warm spot for further 30 minutes. Prepare lamb in meantime.
   
2. Preheat oven to 180c.
   
3. Saute onions in oil in med-high heat, adding mustard seeds half way. Just as mustard seeds pop, add all other spices & mix thoroughly. Add lamb and a pinch of salt & pepper and sear well. Add tomato puree, leaving about 1/4 in the tin, cook briefly and reduce once it begins to bubble. Take off heat to cool.
   
4. (from 1.) Sepearte dough into two. Knead each heavily, adding more flour if necesary to form supple dough. Let each sit for anothe 5 - 10 minutes to grow.
   
5. Flatten out each dough into a flat round shape at 2.5 cm thick with rolling pin.
   
6. Flour the oven tray, place thicker of the two rounds on first. Using a flat spoon, butter on the left over tomato puree on the inside circle of the base - leaving a good 2cm on the edge. Repeat with the other loaf.
   
7. Place lamb mixture onto the base evenly. Cover with the other loaf and secure the edges, leaving two holes on opposite sides as breathing wholes.
   
8. You may make silly patterns on the top of the hisblah with left over dough if you wish.
9. Bake for 30 minutes or till skin is golden brown. Remembering that this will expand so make sure there is enough room up and around for it to do so.
   
10. Salad - soak crushed garlic with lemon juice and a dash of rock salt & peper for 15 minutes to take the edge off. Mix thoroughly with olive oil before dressing onto tomatoes and watercress.
    

WaWa's Melbourne Cup Spread

It would be unAustralian to not go into the office sweepstake when asked politely, nor to bring a dip for 3 o'clock. But its ok if you don't wear spray-on fake tan or call yourself Sheila.

Cornchips and Salsa

Ingredience:
2 just ripe avocados
1/4 red onion
Juice of 1/2 lemon or 1 lime
1 ripe tomato
Handful of coriander
Half a red or green capsicum
Half a cucumber
1 tsp brown sugar if you choose
1 packet of cornships from the shops - Rositas has brought out a new range which is completely bright red.

Method:
1) Dice finely red onions, capsicums and cucumber - they should be about 2mm by 2mm.
2) Soak red onions with lemon for around 20 minutes to take off sharpness
3) Roughly chop tomato, avocado and coriander. Cover avocado with lemon juice straight away to stop from browning.
4) Mix all & chill till ready to serve with cornchips

Tahiniless Hummus
- when you don't have tahini on hand, sour cream is the next best thing

Ingredience:
400 g chickpeas - canned or freshly cooked (soak for 4 hrs then boil for 20 mins)
Juice of one lemon
1/4 cup olive oil
2 Tbs sour cream
1 clove garlic
1/2 tsp cumin powder
Salt & pepper

Method:
1) Blend all in blender - less if you like a coarser texture, more if you are into smoother taste
2) Garnish with Italian parsley or coriander. Keeps for 4-5 days in fridge in airtight container.

Marinated Fetta

Ingredience:
150g Fetta - Danish or greek both fine
1/4 cup olive oil
2 - 3 cloves garlic, crushed & head bit removed
1 tsp whole peper corns
1 tsp whole cumin seeds
4 - 5 sprigs of fresh oregano and or thyme

Method:
1) Break fetta into smaller chunks & marinate everything well mixed in a jar for around 20 hours before serving. Fab with Italian bread!!

Crazy Kiwi Dip
- seems to have appeared in every party I've been to in New Zealand. You'll love the onion bits tenderised in the cream.

Ingredience:
1 packet onion or french onion soup mix
200g can reduced cream (nz) or reduced fat cream (oz)
1 packet of chips

Method:
1) Mix in soup mix and reduced cream - by hand or majic stick, your choice
2) Chill for 1 hr before serving

Other suggestions for another time:
Sushi, broad bean & pecarino paste, pesto - coriander, basil or watercress, homemade lebanese garlic bread

Chocolate Martini

Slip into a little black dress, tune into a bit of bassa nova, swing your hips lightly and sip it with your pinkies up. Let out that little orgasmic "ahh-"...

Ingredience:
2 parts vodka
1 part kahlua
1 part Baileys creme
1 part chocolate or coffee syrup (any flavour)
5-6 ice cubes
1 - 2 scoops rich vanilla or chocolate icecream
1 cup milk or soy milk
1 packet chocolate pokka sticks
2 -3 cubes of eating chocolate (marble or dark/white blend to be fancy), grated finely

Method:
1) Blend everything except pokka sticks and eating chocolate together till ice is well pulsed.
2) Sprinkle half of grated cholate on a plate & spread. Wet rim of martini glasses, dip and coat the rims with choc dust
3) Pour in martini and garnish top with rest of chocolate & pop in the pokka stick as stirrer.

Variations: Add extra hot chocolate or milo powder for extra choc strength, or add a shot of exxpresso coffee for a moccamartini.

BBQ'd snakes

To start with, lets warm up with barbequed snakes inspred from the markets of Phnom Pehn.

Ingredience:
4 medium sized whole snakes, skinned and gutted
5 small red chillies
2 cloves garlic
half a red onion, sliced in moon shape
salt & pepper
Juice of 2 limes
Corriander and/or Thai Basil for garnishing

Preparation:
1) Crush red chillies and garlic and blend with lime juice and salt till it forms a paste
2) Marinate snake in paste for 1 - 2 hours
3) Pierce each snake on skewers in a zigzag fashion
4) Smoke on a BBQ preferably with bamboo leaves as fodder
5) Cook marinating past in low to medium heat in seperate saucepan, serve with snake drizzled with extra lime. Garnish with Corriander and/or Thai basil and extra red onions.